I never really had "chores" to do as a child. At least none set in stone. There was always the, "If you don't clean your room, xyz is going to happen!" chore. The xyz part was never any fun. Like with scheduling, I think setting it in stone makes life so much easier. There is no battle about what you should expect to do around here if you're the girl. Your jobs are on the chart. If you don't do them, then there are consequences. That's how life is. If I don't do the dishes, the consequence is that I have nothing to eat on. If I don't do the laundry, I have nothing to wear.
I started chores with the girl way, way later than I should have. I guess I just assumed she would start doing things around the house to help out magically! It doesn't really happen that way, I eventually learned.
The gir'ls chores are divided into two groups: things that have to be done every single day and chores that are done once a week on a specified day.
I think a big problem I had is I assumed she couldn't do something rather than assuming she could. Actually, let me clarify. I assumed she couldn't do things the way I wanted them done. I started by assessing what she actually could and could not do. I had her help me with things around the house like sweeping, vacuuming, laundry, dishes etc. I watched her. Could she do the task without me? She could with most of them. Now, I have a huge issue with things being done a certain way. I think it was way harder for me to let her do things and not have them done the way I would do them or not do them perfectly than it was for her to do them. It involved a lot of letting the little things slide on my part. So what if she missed a crumb here or there? I could either deal with it, or finish it up my way later. I don't let her half do things, but I did have to force myself to come to the painful realization that not everyone does things my way.
I started with actually making the chart with her. Another big problem I have is assuming asking her to do something is going to be a battle. In reality, there are a lot of things she enjoys doing. She loves to clean mirrors. She loves sweeping. She loves helping with dishes. So we started with the things she liked doing.
Every day she has to make her bed, clean her room, dry and put up dishes and feed the pets. Then on each day of the week she has a separate chore to do. Sweeping the kitchen, dusting the living room, taking all of her bedding off and replacing it with clean bedding and cleaning all of the mirrors in the house are some of them. None of them really take very long, maybe 15 minutes max.
Some people think allowance should be tied to chores. Some people think allowance shouldn't be. I don't necessarily tie allowance to chores because she has to do them, money or not. However, she does get an allowance if she does ALL of her chores for the week. I don't pay her by chore because I remember my mom doing that. She can confirm that I would ONLY do the chores that I needed to do in order to get the amount of money I needed. I was crafty that way.
She gets $5 a week. I think allowance is important because it teaches money management. When she wants to buy something that is a want, not a need, she has to pay for it. She's very conscious of what she spends her money on. She has a piggy bank for spending money, one for charity and one that she puts money in that she's saving for something big. We have no plans in the near future to go to Disney, but that's what she is saving money for now. I also use the allowance to teach her the importance of giving. I don't force her to give anything to anyone else, but we have had many conversations about the importance of taking care of others. We've had conversations from a spiritual perspective and a general taking care of mankind perspective. The charity piggy bank goes to whatever she wants. I'm very careful not to dictate who she can or cannot give money to. That's up to her. She generally chooses the church offering plate, but she has given money to the American Heart Association and quite a bit to Make A Wish.
She wants to help out around here. She needs to. It's an important part of developing a sense of responsibility, not only for her personal belongings, but community belongings too. It also helps me quite a bit. I hate to dry and put up dishes, she loves to do it. Win-win!
Friday, March 4, 2011
Schedules
Let me preface the following post by saying I am far from a perfect parent. When I share things that I do as a parent, it's because they worked for me. I'm pretty set in my ways, BUT I realize that every kid has individual needs and wants and so on and so on. However, I cannot stress enough how important I think routines and schedules are. I am sure there are children out there who do better without a schedule or routine. I've never met one, but I'm sure they exist!
A lot of feelings are conjured up when you mention the word schedule, especially when it comes to raising children. Some people break out in hives when thinking about a schedule. Some people have a panic attack thinking of life without one. I think I fall somewhere in between. I like to know what's on the agenda daily. I find a sense of comfort in knowing that certain things generally happen at a certain time. I remember once upon a time, before having the girl in our lives, we would do whatever we wanted whenever we wanted. Lunch at 3:00 in the afternoon? Why not? Bedtime at 3:00 in the morning when you could no longer hold your eyes open? Sure! However, my life was pretty chaotic then because I just flew by the seat of my pants with regards to every aspect of my life. Then the girl was born.
Now, I would never ever suggest putting a newborn on a schedule. I think that is a ridiculous, futile and possibly dangerous thing to do. Little babies know no schedule, as any new mom can tell you. They eat when they need to eat. They need cuddles when they need cuddles. They need sleep when they need sleep. I think schedules become handy when babies become more independent. We started scheduling things more around 1 1/2 to 2 years old.
A lot of things that you "schedule" as a parent kind of just occur naturally, especially once kids start school. They have to be up at a certain time. They have to come home at a certain time. I think starting one before they start school prepares them for what's to come. It also, at least in our daughter's case, relieves a lot of daily battles because she knows this thing will happen at this time. Our schedule is bendable. How boring would the world be if you had to do the same thing everyday at the same time? We have a kind of unspoken three tier schedule. There are parts of our schedule that are moved around a lot, parts of our schedule that get moved around once in a while and parts of our schedule that very, very rarely change.
There have been times over the years that we've gotten lax and the schedule has kind of been forgotten. We always resurrect it though. The times when we don't adhere to a schedule, I notice that I hear a lot more phrases like, "I'm bored" and "I'm not readdddddddy for bed" and "Why can't I do it laterrrrrrr?" When we follow a schedule, those phrases wilt away.
Kids need consistency. They just do. It's not always convenient and it's certainly not easy sometimes. Once you develop that consistency and routine, it becomes easy. And you rarely have to hear the dreaded, "I'm borrrrreddddd, Mommmmmmm" again. That makes it all worthwhile.
A lot of feelings are conjured up when you mention the word schedule, especially when it comes to raising children. Some people break out in hives when thinking about a schedule. Some people have a panic attack thinking of life without one. I think I fall somewhere in between. I like to know what's on the agenda daily. I find a sense of comfort in knowing that certain things generally happen at a certain time. I remember once upon a time, before having the girl in our lives, we would do whatever we wanted whenever we wanted. Lunch at 3:00 in the afternoon? Why not? Bedtime at 3:00 in the morning when you could no longer hold your eyes open? Sure! However, my life was pretty chaotic then because I just flew by the seat of my pants with regards to every aspect of my life. Then the girl was born.
Now, I would never ever suggest putting a newborn on a schedule. I think that is a ridiculous, futile and possibly dangerous thing to do. Little babies know no schedule, as any new mom can tell you. They eat when they need to eat. They need cuddles when they need cuddles. They need sleep when they need sleep. I think schedules become handy when babies become more independent. We started scheduling things more around 1 1/2 to 2 years old.
A lot of things that you "schedule" as a parent kind of just occur naturally, especially once kids start school. They have to be up at a certain time. They have to come home at a certain time. I think starting one before they start school prepares them for what's to come. It also, at least in our daughter's case, relieves a lot of daily battles because she knows this thing will happen at this time. Our schedule is bendable. How boring would the world be if you had to do the same thing everyday at the same time? We have a kind of unspoken three tier schedule. There are parts of our schedule that are moved around a lot, parts of our schedule that get moved around once in a while and parts of our schedule that very, very rarely change.
There have been times over the years that we've gotten lax and the schedule has kind of been forgotten. We always resurrect it though. The times when we don't adhere to a schedule, I notice that I hear a lot more phrases like, "I'm bored" and "I'm not readdddddddy for bed" and "Why can't I do it laterrrrrrr?" When we follow a schedule, those phrases wilt away.
Kids need consistency. They just do. It's not always convenient and it's certainly not easy sometimes. Once you develop that consistency and routine, it becomes easy. And you rarely have to hear the dreaded, "I'm borrrrreddddd, Mommmmmmm" again. That makes it all worthwhile.
Thursday, March 3, 2011
"You are the reason they make crappy reality TV shows."
This is what my husband says to me if he walks through the room and I'm watching one. While I'd certainly like to think that I'm important enough that all of the networks that air my favorite crappy reality shows do it just for me, I'm fairly certain that's not true. I mean I'm awesome, but I don't think I'm quite that awesome.
I love crappy reality TV shows. I don't watch it to boost my IQ. I don't watch it to gain insight into how to improve my life. Sometimes I just want to be entertained. Sometimes I just want to see NeNe Leakes say, "Bloop, bloop, bloop!" or see how fierce the new models vying for America's Next Top Model are. It's enjoyable to me. It doesn't have to be enjoyable to everyone. That's why there are eleventy billion channels with eleventy billion shows. It's rare that I complain about a football fan being the reason they put crappy football games on TV. Let's be realistic, even the trashiest reality show star probably has more moral fortitude in their fist pumping hand than most professional athletes have in their whole body. They definitely have more than 99.9% of politicians.
I watch the majority of my reality tv when no one else is here. I'm generally doing something else while I'm watching it. As I'm typing this post, I'm watching Jo Frost lay the smackdown on a dad who doesn't help his wife around the house. I don't generally force anyone else to suffer through my guilty little pleasure. So hand me the remote and bring on the Housewives!
I love crappy reality TV shows. I don't watch it to boost my IQ. I don't watch it to gain insight into how to improve my life. Sometimes I just want to be entertained. Sometimes I just want to see NeNe Leakes say, "Bloop, bloop, bloop!" or see how fierce the new models vying for America's Next Top Model are. It's enjoyable to me. It doesn't have to be enjoyable to everyone. That's why there are eleventy billion channels with eleventy billion shows. It's rare that I complain about a football fan being the reason they put crappy football games on TV. Let's be realistic, even the trashiest reality show star probably has more moral fortitude in their fist pumping hand than most professional athletes have in their whole body. They definitely have more than 99.9% of politicians.
I watch the majority of my reality tv when no one else is here. I'm generally doing something else while I'm watching it. As I'm typing this post, I'm watching Jo Frost lay the smackdown on a dad who doesn't help his wife around the house. I don't generally force anyone else to suffer through my guilty little pleasure. So hand me the remote and bring on the Housewives!
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
No one can define me
Probably the hardest part of starting this blog is coming up with a name. You want a name that defines you. Tells everyone, or hopefully at least one person, who reads your blog who you are, what you stand for and what you want to become. This thought process brought me to the name I chose.
I thought about using something that referred to motherhood. It's the biggest part of who I am. I can't remember and choose not to try to remember who I was before I was a mom. It's the single most important part of who I am. However, it doesn't define me.
I'm a full-time student. I love learning. I've wanted to be a teacher forever. I'm majoring in Special Education and the fulfillment I dream of when I'm actually in a classroom full of minds I will help mold makes me giddy. However, it doesn't define me.
I'm a wife. I love my husband immensely. We've had a rocky relationship. It's had it's ups and downs and moments where I wanted to run away screaming. Yet, I love being married to this man. As much as he makes me want to throw something, I can't imagine not being married to him. However, it doesn't define me.
I'm a friend. I'm funny. I'm argumentative. I'm passionate. I can be mean. I can be the nicest person you know. I'm smart. I'm flighty. I'm hard to handle in large quantities. None of those things define me.
I'm an anomaly. I'm peculiar. I'm too complex and too simple at the same time. And that's ok! I like me. My goal is not to define me or have anyone else define me. My goal for this blog is just to be. To get out my funny, my frustrated and everything else as openly and honestly as I can. It will probably hurt someone's feelings. It'll probably make someone happy. It'll probably be all over the place. One minute I'll probably talk about mothering. The next moment, I'll probably talk about politics. I'll probably throw in some coupon deals and just off the wall funniness that I encounter.
No one will be able to define what it's all about...just like me.
I thought about using something that referred to motherhood. It's the biggest part of who I am. I can't remember and choose not to try to remember who I was before I was a mom. It's the single most important part of who I am. However, it doesn't define me.
I'm a full-time student. I love learning. I've wanted to be a teacher forever. I'm majoring in Special Education and the fulfillment I dream of when I'm actually in a classroom full of minds I will help mold makes me giddy. However, it doesn't define me.
I'm a wife. I love my husband immensely. We've had a rocky relationship. It's had it's ups and downs and moments where I wanted to run away screaming. Yet, I love being married to this man. As much as he makes me want to throw something, I can't imagine not being married to him. However, it doesn't define me.
I'm a friend. I'm funny. I'm argumentative. I'm passionate. I can be mean. I can be the nicest person you know. I'm smart. I'm flighty. I'm hard to handle in large quantities. None of those things define me.
I'm an anomaly. I'm peculiar. I'm too complex and too simple at the same time. And that's ok! I like me. My goal is not to define me or have anyone else define me. My goal for this blog is just to be. To get out my funny, my frustrated and everything else as openly and honestly as I can. It will probably hurt someone's feelings. It'll probably make someone happy. It'll probably be all over the place. One minute I'll probably talk about mothering. The next moment, I'll probably talk about politics. I'll probably throw in some coupon deals and just off the wall funniness that I encounter.
No one will be able to define what it's all about...just like me.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)