I don't need you to tell me I'm fat.

     If you think I don't know, you're delusional.  You don't have to tell me.  I see myself in the mirror every day.  I'm the one who can't find clothes that fit properly.  I'm aware and I don't need you to remind me.  Sometimes the reminders are subtle.  Sometimes, not so much.  Most of the time they roll off my back because I've gotten used to them.  Sometimes they hurt.   They are never necessary though. 


     I've can't remember a time when I didn't think I was fat.  I look back now and wonder why I was so unhappy with my size 8 body.  I think around 18 or 19 I finally accepted my body and actually liked it.  I was curvy, but not fat.  Then I started to expand.  The more I expanded, the more people thought it acceptable to comment on my newly added square footage.  There are lots of reason I gained weight.  I had 2 children in a year.  I was less active.  I had PCOS.  However, those that made comments didn't take those things into account.  They just knew I was bigger and felt some urge to make me know that they were aware of my fatness.


     I remember the first time anyone commented.  I was at the mall and saw a coworker that I hadn't seen in several years and he asked me when I was due.  Yup.  It was mortifying.  Let me give you a tip...Unless you see a baby crowning, don't ever, ever, under any circumstances, ask her when she's due.   Then someone commented on how I was getting chubby.  And thought it was a compliment.   Chubby is not a compliment once you are past the age of 2.  Then they started becoming more frequent.  Family members are generally the most bold in their comments.  It's generally a comment such as, "I'm just worried about your health."  Give.me.a.break.  You are totally fine with me being a smoker (which I'm not anymore!), but you're concerned about my fatness being a precursor to my demise.  Gotcha.   Or just flat out saying, "You're getting fat!"  "You've put on some weight!  Don't worry, you can lose it!".  Yes.  People actually said that to me.  Probably the most hurtful was, "You'd be so pretty if you just lost a little weight."  So what, I'm ugly now too?  Because regardless of my weight, I've never thought myself outright repulsive.  Guess I was wrong!  Thanks for shedding the light on my delusional view of my attractiveness!



     I want to lose weight.  Really I do.  I want to be able to wear cute little sundresses without throwing a sweater over them because I hate my arms.  I don't want to hate my arms.  I want to be able to wear the jean shorts I was wearing the night I met my husband.  Yes, I still have them.  Here's the thing though.  Your comments don't help me do that.  They make me lose hope that it'll ever happen.  They make me think I will always be the wickedly funny fat girl. 



     If you truly want me to lose weight (which I'm not sure why you care that much about MY body), SHUT UP.  Seriously, if you have nothing positive, uplifting or encouraging to say...say nothing!  I don't need you to tell me I'm fat.  And someday, when I'm not fat, I don't need you to tell me how much better I look because I've always looked good.